"Sometimes, from beyond this skyscrapers, the cry of a boat finds you in your insomia and you remember that this desert of iron and cement is an island."

went sailing today......woohoo....
it was fun fun fun...
wind was good...a little too overpowering for the little ones...yeah...
brought the juniors out.....
funny things happened...from sliding of the boat to having the seniors screaming "starboard and windward" at each other...only to realize we werent the ones sailing....
basically...our lives were left in the hands of our juniors.
if we actually clashed...we sitting in the front would die first.
ahahah....the scene of all capsized boats was a scene i really miss..
wind was a little too strong i guess.....boats went out of control and the seniors just went along into the water...with the juniors....cap together.
wasnt too nice falling into the water when it was raining... and the wind was blowing.
freezing man......
oh wellz...it was just a day of fun... everyone enjoyed...so who cares?

choices

Why do we have to make choices?
In school? in relationships? in everything u do.....
You never do really make the right choice
You never really know what is THE right choice
Unless something goes wrong.
Then would it dawn on you that the other option was the right choice
Then you would wish that you could turn back time and choose again
Or even given a second change to start anew.
But how often again are u given that chance to choose again?

Standing at the crossroads.
Looking at the paths and options in front of you
Which path should i put my first step on.
How long would i have to walk till i would realize that it's the wrong road.
How would i know that the after the obstacles i cross, i would reach my destination?
You never noe till you try, pple always say.
But...do they realize that sometimes....
Falling too many times along the way do hurt.
Picking myself up from the fall aint easy.
Determination and perseverance.
I need alot to complete this walk along the path.
The path i dunno if is right.

As friends cross your path,
They turn your gloom into smiles.
The sun changes darkness into light.
Friends lighten your darkest way.

You get the feeling of nature's renewing cycle.
Friends renew your hope for everlasting love.
Friends that stand behind you,
Assure you that it's impossible to be alone

As with nature and all it has to offer,
You will always have something to hold close.
The friendships you build and let grow,
Give you everlasting hope for the future.

Nature's wondrous way of entertainment,
Gives you insight into nature's excitement.
Friends entertain you with their caring,
They allow you the insight for love.

Thank you for being my guiding light,
my comfort, my friend.

sigh.

had service learning today.
boy...it sucks... cleaning up beaches?
itz like...wadeva....
seriously how meaningful can dat be
and someone is like really getting on my nerves...
kept calling me at e weirdest time it can be
and asking me silly questions
i'm not e class rep. i'm e assistant...check the dictionary.
give my a break pls.
like just stop asking me questions dat seriously have nothing to do with me
like stop calling in e early morning to contact who and who..
wad's joscelin for? she's e freaking class rep.. 
not me..
sometimes... i think i'm doing so much more den her
i dun carry the freaking class list with me 24/7
u're in school. in e office... check it urself..
couldnt u?? 
stop nagging and asking...
itz really getting into me..
argh...

later part of the day was fine.
spending it with him wasnt too bad afterall.
thanks for being so special dear.

 

wad's going on

i had lotsa break again today. tuesday...my dunno-wad- i-am- doing in school day
oh well....i spent like all my breaks talking to jos...
well....it kinda got me thinking how i really feel about things
about pple.
feeling quite lost now.
am i truly happy with everything?
or am i just trying to be happy with everything.
i'm confused.
i'm starting to lose myself.
not abling to fully understand myself.
but have i ever really understood myself...
have i? 

 
"My Happy Ending"- avril lavigne
 
So much for my happy ending
 
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hangingIn a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
 
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
 
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
 
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
 
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
 
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
 
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...So much for my happy ending...

i'm tired...just really tired.
itz only monday. first day of the week.
school sucks...
tired of it...sick of it
irritated with it...
frustrated with it.
argh.....zzzz.... 

i feel like killing andy...
he noes too much...
argh.... anybody interested pls let me noe~!

at e crossroads

i finally got back all my results today.
i got straight Os... itz beats last year definately but i really dunno if its ok
on one hand...i'm satisfied..on the other i'm not.
i dunno...it kinda sucks...esp when i'm so close to making the passing grade.
i'm just tired. tired of trying.
everybody's expecting better results from me.
and i'm just not living up to their expectations.
Os aint exactly the best results... but seriously...it managed to put me top 10 of my class for almost all my subjects...its kinda surprising...
i only had to make e grade...
i was so close....i just wanna scrap thru it
i dun wanna go thru e same shit again
the whole crap of u din study izzit... the whole crap of...u sure u did ur best?
are u like spending too much time on cca?
CUT E CRAP.....cause i did study...
given e amt of time i had....i did do fairly all right..
itz just about me and my carelessness...
reading question wrongly....misinterpreting stuffs...
answering out of point...
i feel stupid....why am i always so....blur?
i'm so sick of school...so so sick...
i wanna quit school....

smilez

i love e way you looks at me with those eyes of yours
the eyes dat speaks..
the kinda eyes dat really sparkle..
and dat smile of urs too...its really addictive..
thanks for the smile.
thanks for being such a gentleman.
thanks for today.
 
went to watch mean girls today..
aint a very great show...but it wasnt too bad either
it actually does set me thinking...
how much can u actually trust someone...
even someone who u think is ur bestest fren might actually be the one betraying u
same goes for relationships...
the person u love e most would always end up being the one hurting u e most.
so den again....why love?
 
i finally got myself to go sign up for my btt with sera...like FINALLY.... 


   
   
 

i need to get my hair cut~!

was supposed to get my hair cut today....
but by e time i came home....e saloon was close..
dun think i'll ever get it done..
everytime i finally convince myself to snip it.. i cant get it done.
argh...i'm just gonna procrastinate again
well...i had a pretty good day in school.
maybe cause it started with my buddy running away from me for SOME reasons.
budden again..i din understand why he did dat... but it was really hilarious.
just picture diz....while u're walking down e stairs to e cafe...someone spots u..stands up immediately and start walking away real fast.
buddy...u're a clown
hmm....and my whole day followed by talking to him..
my bill's just gonna like shoot up again...
but who cares....i got to talk to him. 
*smilez*  
 

someone

itz simply amazing how someone can actually brighten up ur day even without trying.
itz amazing how just being with someone makes ur day.
he's right.
i'm moving out of my own dark shadow.
learning to accept others.
the big step i have finally taken.
he's happy for me.
thanks bud. you're right.
i'm actually  starting to really smile again.
thanks for being there for me.
 
 
 

sailing

boredom is killing me. two weeks break from sailing.
but i'm already missing it.
the wind against my face. the water splashing.
the way the boat weave through the waves.
everything. even the sickening smell of the salty air..
the horizon far beyond. the sun's ray peeking out of the thick fluffy clouds.
things dat i dun get to see once i'm back on the island.
the skyline of shenton way to bedok never looked as great..
the view on the little laser of mine is captivating..
u never really have to think when u're sailing.
the feeling of carefree and no worries is great.
ur mind is only filled with sailing and enjoying the landscape.
itz like u're in another world.
dream world.
reality doesnt really strike u.
not until u head back to shore....and leave the centre.
i miss sailing.
i miss my boat
 
 
Vindicated
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing I am captivated
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
 
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
 
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
 
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
 
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
 
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

me buddy.bingz 

i enjoyed myself today.. i actually did. thanks buddy..thanks bingz...thanks ven
cant believe i actually got myself to be as silly as the both of them. but hey...we had lotsa fun. bowling..taking photos.. crapping.. just pure silliness but FUN.
 
i think i kinda got things in my head sorted out a little more today. i'm starting to get over u.  in fact..i'm starting to feel dat maybe u aint dat great afterall.  starting to feel dat maybe u're just like wad others say u're...i'm starting to feel the way everybody wants me to. Probably the way u want me too....
 
Cj and i made a deal today... we decided to fight it out for promos. the one with e lousier results will have to treat the other to marche...20 bucks budget. We both are stuck with oooo for our common test....like wth...but well...marche sounds good. Time to study.....ha.
 

wad the hell

the feeling of falling flat on the ground just hit me again today. not until today had i always tot dat i passed maths. but no.. i finally got back my paper today. failed by 2.5 marks. my fren told me e wrong thing. like thanks...she's not at fault. i'm not blaming her. it's ok dear. yupz. but great..now i'm freaking stuck with like 2 AO pass....i actually got wad i wanted for econs. Now..gotta sit and wait for my geog. Pray dat miracles still do happen.
i need an A pass...and i almost got it.
Should i try asking mrs ng to vet thru my paper and see if there's any salvation? failing by diz small margin sucks...esp when i lost a huge margin of 10 to careless mistakes.
Wads wrong with me. i really need to open my eyes bigger at times.
let's hope she'll be nice and award me just 3 more marks.dat's all i need. so i wouldnt have to face e shit again.
 
anyway...hope dat bored one who just had his knee op would get well soon.....take care dearest.

=(

hasnt been too wonderful a day to talk about
buddy was upset. damn upset.
studied hard and din do well.
now..where have i heard diz before..
hey buddy..u tried ur best. i noe no one will really truly understand except urself
but...dat's life.. it's gonna be a little harsh but dun let it put ya down.
mug hard dearest. there's prelims. dat's e one u have to do really well for.
study hard my dear.

he looked good as usual..smelt good as usual.
still as noisy as ever.. and i miss u. so much dat i doubt u'll ever know
u never tot about how i really feel. u never really cared...do u?
i'm sorry i ignored u. but i really dunno wad else to do.

"Addicted"

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm addict
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still addict
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you

the guys..the always wonderful and crazy bunch 

[sa]ilors girls..my team 

first day of school??

yawnz...i finally offically started school again today.
mixed feelings about it. i hate it. at e same time i was glad i could see my frens. but there's still pple i dun wanna see..or do i?
the work was starting to pile. got quite a lot to catch up. tutorials lectures. the days where there's only sun sea and sand is over. the fun and slacky days are gone. it's time to face the books again. seriously...diz sucks.
hey peepz...i wished u guys would not ask me how was my race..
i wished i could tell u more. but i really rather not talk about it.
i'm trying to be all right. The whole weight of losing is still on me. i'm trying to push it away. trying to lift it off me. so pls..stop sitting on top on me and adding it on.
i passed my maths. at least dat's wad yeanling told me.
i hope i did. cause i really need to.

cj...dun be upset. i noe u tried ur best. there's still promos...*smilez*

bing yao and me...getting bored in the car. traffic jams sucks

disappointment

Interschool finally ended on friday. We din do well. At all.
Sorry mr ng. sorry team. Seems to me that everything that can go wrong went wrong. We were never expected to do so badly. Were we?
The pain of losing. The whack across the face really hurts. Esp the girls. We wanted 3rd. Mj took it. wanted to settle for 4th. Ac took it. we arent even 5th. Bloody Tj took it. where do we even stand. We disappointed lots. i'm sorry. i should have fought harder.