80 000 and still counting
this is one hell of a depressing way to end the year.
a moment of silence to those who have perished and lost their loved ones in this tragedy.
hope the coming new year would be kinder to them.


3 days to school.
fuck.

i feel like joining some volunteer group.
fly to thailand. help them.
and not come back.

jiehui wrote this on her blog "abby made us nice cookies.. as usual. although she was the only one among us who didnt take home econs, her sewing and cooking/ baking seems to be the best... "


geez. thanks dear. hahah...

Grace cut her hair~!!!! REAL SHORT~!
but she looks nice. heh.
it kinda resembles bing.
in fact quite a bit.
oh great. this is just Perfect with a big P. =p


you said you aint ready to talk to me.
why the sudden change of mind?
i'm just surprised.

i din get to meet ya today.
it was rather disappointing.
oh wellz.


i took a bus that went along joo seng road
i realized the community centre was there no more.
our trainings. our matches. our joy. our sorrow.
games after games.
i miss basketball. i miss my team.
i miss those days.

i just remembered~!
i meeting you later tonight
*big big smile*

just woke up with a bad headache.
argh. angst.
feel like going over to play with my niece again.
that cute little shat.
but i need to go meet andy and viv for lunch.
if i dun turn up today, i'm gonna get it so bad from them.
i've been warned.


its tues. that makes it wed thurs fri sat sun left?
5 days to school.
oh no.

scenes of the aftermath of the tsunamis flooded the papers and news.
its just so tragic.
a nice christmas gift. a nice holiday season.
one moment they are enjoying the blistering sun and cooling waters.
the next. searching for their loved ones and saving their own lives.
mother nature sure has her weird way of showing us her strength and dominance.


met up with jiehui and serena for dinner.
laughed till my stomach hurt. she's still the crazy girl i've always known.
hope you find a nice job girl. duck and hippo tour guide? ha
i miss my st nicks days.


met my buddy and viv too.
and they ganged up against me.
that's so sweet of them huh.
supposed to go for a movie but everything was sold out.
to think that i tot town would be less crowded on a monday night.
crowds sucks.
shopping actually seemed pretty fun afterall.
i got a nice pair of jeans. *yesh*


i had a great day, a great night.
but it was all short lived.
when someone ruined it all at the last moment.
why did you have to take the smile away from me?

christmas party at my aunt's place was great..
food was nice...but there was far too much food.
too much leftovers. sigh.
what a waste of food.
i dun like wasting food. argh.
my little niece is as adorable as ever.
she's just a bundle of joy.
love the way she smiles. the way she clings onto me.
the way she speaks. the way she sings.
just love her loads.
brought home bags of presents *big big smile*
heh...this is one great christmas.


all but my one last wish.

woke up with a great big smile this morning.
my last christmas wish was partially fulfilled.
in my dreams last nite. *santa did a half-job huh*
so dun wanna wake up.
wanna remain in dream land.
i hope it comes true.
i will sleep early tonight.
so i can meet u in my dreams again.


do dreams come true?
i wish it would.

boy am i glad to be at home.
chilling with my nice warm cup of hot chocolate.
town was packed. with people with cars.


2 hours to christmas.
one last thing on my wishing list.
i hope i would wake up tmr morning with what i really want.
wishing hard it would be fulfilled.
my last wish.
love you.
merry christmas to all~!

it christmas eve~!!
and i'm baking cookies...
whee....smells good.
yum~!

just came back from shopping with viv and lijie.
geez...wanted to check out the mango sale.
but boy... it was just bombarded with aunties digging and throwing the clothes around.
i cant believe they could actually queue up to try the clothes.
i dun think i have that patience.
its freaking long.
ended up at zara trying skirts and tops (without queuing)
found something nice. something dat doesnt seem very me.
hmm....still considering if i should get it.
ha.....finally got my bro and sis presents.
they love their presents.
thanks to me.


shopping with viv dear can be so torturous at times.
she makes you walk ALOT.
dat indecisive girl.
ha...me and lijie just couldnt help but laugh at her.
should have recorded her choosing her shoes for prom.
ha.....classic comedy.
thanks for bringing so much JOY and LAUGHTHER girl.
love ya.~!

i hate it when pple make assumptions.
congrats that u're seeing somebody.
wheee....*clap*
i'm NOT WAITING for you.
understood?
*smiles*
stop making me angsty.
thanks.


heh....my foot still look a little purplish.
hmmm...a little numb too.
haha...my poisoned foot.
i almost burst out laughing when i saw the doctor drew a pic of my left foot on my records.
and highlighting my toe where it was bitten.
his drawing sucks...
hahahha....and he drew the wrong foot at first.
noob.

breakfast was nice.
thanks grace, mich, ven and edgar.
the serangooners.
hahah.....


and as usual.
certain pple would ruin my day again.
wadeva it is.
gonna go shopping with viv soon.
gotta join the last min shopping crowds.
ARGH~!


tmr's christmas eve...
hohoho.~!

i hate this world.

i dun like it when my mom is upset.
i dun like it when i see my dad fussing over monetary matters.
i dun like it when pple abuses the kindness of another.
i detest pple like dat.
i hate reality
hard work never pays off.
its just that unfair.
always.


fuck the world.
i hate this world.
i just wish armaggedon would be tmr.
and the world would start from scratch.
back to the beginning of the big bang.

just woke up after taking medication.
after effects of the jab sure made me one drowsy shat.
i actually managed to be totally knocked out for one hour at NSC yesterday.
the freaking painkillers are not working much lor.
my feet still hurt.
STUPID dunno wad. prob catfish
sting me~!!
cost me my training. and having to make me go thru this pain.
hurts like F***
so far i've only seen the sailors getting stung by jellyfish.
think i'm like one of the few LUCKY ones to get it by the catfish.
ARGH....try hammering a thumbtack into your toe.
that's how freaking painful it is~!!!


thanks for the christmas present fishy.


managed to keep myself awake and drag myself to changi for my class chalet after
the training jab and sleep.
played truth or dare...but everybody had to choose dare.
wad was the forfeit?
walk around this freaking scary isolated, creepy house.
it was terrible.
it was just like a scene taken of a horror movie.
and we had to take photos with the windows as a background.
damn.

went for a shopping spree with my parents today.
my mom got me a top for AX.
another from zara.
and almost got me this skirt i like.
she wanted to get me shoes too
i told her i'll wait till after christmas den i'll think about it.
its crazy.
i hardly get anything for myself when i go out with my frens.
but when i'm out with my parents, the number of bags i had to carry is shit larz.
moral of the story: go out with ya parents.
they pay for everything. HA~!


enough of shopping.
christmas is coming.
presents time~! =)

a week left to christmas.
a couple of days left to shopping for presents.
i got my muvo slim MP3~!!
ha...another strike off of my wishing list.
ha....one more thing left.
my samsung E700
*cross my fingers*
hope my parents get that for me.
*grinz*

think i'm gonna think twice about studying photojournalism.
shutter is scary.


my mood swings are getting from bad to worse.
but seriously,
i dun give a damn.


so stop pissing me off.
fine. i won't talk to you~! satisfied??

my teddy bear's back~!!!
this is one rather good morning.

i got my nice white sweater.
lurve it.
ha..the sales guy was really adorable.
think he just started out working.
he seemed so panicky and worried.
constantly apologising to me and asking me to give him a little more time just so he could find the size i wanted.
take your time man. its ok.
when he finally got it.
this group of working ladies were staring at me.
apparently their fren wanted the size i was trying on.
but the sales guy told them i had priority~!
caused i asked him first. *thumbs up*
oh wellz...in the end decided to be nice and let the lady have the piece i was holding on to and went back to the other outlet at taka to try to get the size i want.
couldnt stand the stares anymore...and din really wanna fight for it.
phew..last piece there...and i got it.
*big big smile*


there's still so many things i wanna get though.
more shopping for me.

i'm unsure of how i feel towards you.
but i will sort it out soon.
give me a little more time.
and we'll be frens again.


yeah...sera just msg me to tell me she got my sneakers,
with a mixture of dark blue, light blue and white.
hope its e right one.
one more down from my wishing list.
cant wait for her to return from hong kong. ha~!
the weather's been soooo cold...
itz nice to sleep.
also tells me its the christmas season.
hohoho.....
i wanna get everything on my wish list.
can someone rich get me my wants.
pretty please.

151485..whee..dat's me and my nooblet boat. hah...i cant see myself. but its good enough. my sail..nice and big..~!

finally my major regattas have come to an end.
resting time. *yeah*
not bad...finished 28th in open category and 10 in ladies division.
quite satisfied. gotta work harder though.
screwed up here and there...
but 2nd and 3rd day races were rather good.
managed to finish in top 20.
*big smile*
won school team 2nd and club 2nd...
yippeeeeee.....great.....


met someone over the weekend.
it had been awkward
and seemed rather unpleasant.
but it was still nice to see you~!
miss ya loads man.
but its just seem weird.
sigh.
wad's wrong with me?
occasional thoughts of hoping to have you back seem unrealistic.


i will just wish and not hope.

it's been a disappointing day.
*sticks tongue out*
first day of laser open sucks.
screwed up big time.
thanks to a wun-der-ful full rig who decided to cover me for my start.
no wind....got covered.
=p dead.
its ok. tomorrow's a brand new day.
must sail really well tmr....
and pray hard they have 8 races by sunday.
den i can say bye bye and discard the two noob races today.
*cross my fingers*


i miss you. miss you. miss you. miss you~!!!!!!!!

feeling fucked up.
enough said.
*big smile*

it seems that i'm always the cause of everything.
its always my fault.
so if i i cease to exist, the world would definately be a better place.
maybe not the world, but just the life of pple i made a havoc on.
i'm sorry i existed.
blame me.

i just wished you could stop mentioning his name.
its really weird to keep hearing it.
i so dun wanna be reminded of him.
it gives me diz weird feeling inside.
a weird awful feeling dat i dun like.



the wind's still blowing strong.
one more day to last.
i'm tired.
and next week's gonna be worst.
hahah.....edgar's food regime of stuffing myself with loads of proteins and carbo is killer.
meat. rice. bread. burp.




i really need a brainwash.
like start my life from scratch.
there are so many things i wished i could like delete off from my brain memory.
trying so hard to fight thinking about it.
but it just doesnt wanna go away.
persistent memories.
good and bad.
memories kill you unknowingly.
the silent killer from the inside.



i'm missing my teddy bear.
wonder when it would be back.

the mat vs the ah beng.
the hip hop vs the rocker.
the better performer vs the popular one.
may the more talented one wins.


taufik won~!
i guess singaporeans are not blinded by that smile afterall.

finally got down to signing up for final theory.


regattas coming up. yeah.
gotta win the team division.


2 more weeks to the end of my shit job. *big smile*

the first time i talked to you.
i mistook you as a sailor from tj.
those eyes of yours really attracted my attention.
that was almost a year ago.


you said you wanted breakfast too.
and i got it for you.
you started cracking your lame jokes.
and the crappy video clip of the guy jumping off the cliff.
your classic boat. our chats out at sea.
sailing next to each other. yakking away before the race started.
we started trying to capsize each other.
playing pirates out at sea.
i sailed ur full rig back, you sailed my radial.
that was june this year.


you lent me your burgee.
coming down to nsc with ur green uniform and tie with it.
u were stranded in school and had to take a pink slip.
heh. you din noe how much i was depending on it.
alliance from tp with andy and jp.
last day of interschool.
you forgot about bringing change.
and i had to endure sitting next to dirty you.
thru the traffic jam at eunos.
and we started playing with your phone.


soon we started hanging out like crazy.
dinner at chomp chomp. chilling in town.
me you my buddy.
the first time u held my hand.
was to reassure me that everything would be all right.
it was really nice. i remember keeping it out of sight from somebody.
den three soon became two.


our killer spicy dinner at bugis.
our long 1 hr waiting for 70 at suntec.
the dinners at gardens.
the scary movie where we both kinda regretted watching.
the bus rides home, not letting me get down at my stop.
always ending up at jalan kayu.
you came down specially to pick me up after my test, just to accompany me home.
it was great to have your company.


bringing me lotsa food when i wasnt feeling well.
national day.
9th august.


memories kinda played back in my today.
constantly.
probably cause i was at bugis.
the place we always end up at.
somehow, i really miss u recently.


i wonder if i made a mistake one month ago.
but what done cant be undone.
or could it?
was i blinded by anger?

went for supper at jalan kayu.
burp.
it was yummy-licious.
ice tea was nice. prata was all right.
havent ate much the whole day. was starving~!!
supper just made my stomach real happy.

ur company was greatly appreciated today.
training has never been this fun since a long time.
a full pasta lunch, going down to bedok, rigging up, racing with each other, kicking my burgee into the sea, washing my seaweed attacked boat, pulling the lousy trolley back, walking out to the bus stop, stoning on the bus, a satisfiying dinner followed by a stroll in town.
thanks buddy.
those were the days.




somehow i really wished i could have you by my side tonight.
where's my teddy bear when i really want it.
guess i'll just stick to my comfy blanket.
zzz.

12 hours ago i was intoxicated.
12 hours later.
my mood turned upside down.
and it's all thanks to you.
i'm flustered. exasperated. disappointed. aghast.
right now. at this present moment.
i really hate you.
for ruining my day.
i saved it for you. i waited the entire day.
and you just spoilt it all.
you can be such a jerk at times.
argh.




i hate myself because of you.

Do not look back and ponder over what might have been,
Nor be troubled about the year ahead for it has yet to come.
Live today to the fullest and make it beautiful so that it will be worth remembering.



i wonder how you're doing.
how's things been for you since then.
get well soon dear.
miss that sparkling eyes of yours

yeah. finally changed my blogskin.
and i think its finally nice.
more like me.
blue blue blue.
and more blue.

i'm bruised.
i'm shagged.


420 was just great fun man.
the sun was scorching.
the wind was pretty strong.
the sea was not that choppy.
a perfect day for my two-men boat.
my crew rocks.
we had lotsa fun.
from laughing at our stupid mistakes to almost capsizing.
from leading the fleet to overtaking the last few boats.
the boat travelled faster den the powerboat.
ha. rox big time.
seeing my dear crew out of the boat.
sorta flying above the water.
wow.
enjoyed myself greatly man.
thanks jiayi~!
for being such a wonderful crew
sorry for screaming and shouting at you though.
sorry for making the both of us jump around the boat.
geez.

might be sailing in 420 permanently though.
dun really want it.
i do have a great partner
but i still like the laser.
be a lonesome sailor
just me and my darling nooblet boat.
ha.
let's hope i can sail both classes for interschool.
sounds crazy.
but i'll pray hard. ha


hope grace and mich will be fine.
dun be so affected sweeties.
it takes time to sail well.
cheer up.


i'm glad you found what you lost.
dun be so careless next time.
really got me worried for awhile.

i thought i wouldn't miss you
but i do
i really really do.
i was wrong.

my skin's burning.
my body's aching.
my eyes are puffy.
i'm dehydrated.

but 420 was great.
going at a really fast speed was
WON-DER-FUL.
*big smile*
i get to be crew tomorrow.
yeah....
i'm gonna trapzee and fly.

i had a wonderful dream last nite.
a dream of you and me.


if only i didn't have to wake up.



so sorry to throw my tantrum at you.
you were right.
you hardly get mad at me.
*shrugs*

a perfect day.

i'm freaking pissed today.
made my way to one end of east coast for training.
rushed down in a cab.
only to reach there and realized nobody's there yet.
you told me at 10 to be there by 11.
reached at 12.
received a call at 12.05.
"training's cancelled. we're still in school."
you had been in school the whole time and u only called to tell me that at 12~!!
how sweet can dat be.
how last freaking minute could dat be.
no one bothered to keep me up with any info i guess.
ya.so it's my fault that i dun take pw and din have to be in school.
so it's my fault dat nobody kind enough could let me noe wad's happening.
thanks alot.

walked out of nsc alone.
1.8km.
under the freaking hot afternoon sun
and i din get to sail.
damn.


silly girl misses her teddy bear.
loads.

don't regret what has happened.
things happen and people move on.


the times we spent and fond memories would always be with me.
love my teddy bear.


no regrets.

I never could've seen this far
I never could've seen this coming
Seems like my world's falling apart

Why is everything so hard
I don't think I can deal with the things you said
It just won't go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You would still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through

I pictured I could bring you back
I pictured I could turn back time
Cuz I can't let go
I just can't find my way
Without you I just can't find my way

I don't know what I should do now
I don't know where I should go
I'm still here waiting for you
I'm lost when you're not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can't let you go

i had enough.
damn it.
enough is enough.

I'd like to think I'll be happy again, but I really need to stop & cry right now.
It feels like one of those days where I feel like crying, so I do.
But no tears fall from my eyes, my heart is crying & that is so much worse.

Cold, crying, wanting to get away..
screaming and bleeding..
need to breathe...
gotta get away. smashing, crashing..
throwing my self away.

I draw a pretty picture
I draw it with a twist
I draw it with a razorblade
I draw it on my wrist.

how you hurt yourself on the inside to try to kill the thing on the outside.
You asked me what's wrong and I said nothing.
But as I turned and walked away, a tear ran down my cheek.
I whispered everything.


there's only one word on my mind now.
sigh.
i dun even feel dat i can smile.
dun even feel good.
at all
think i have hit the lowest point of my mood.
sigh

to all my dearies and frens.
hang in there ok?
2 more weeks.

i HATE the way things are now.

i dislike my life at the present moment

Damn it. Screw it. F*** it.

nobody listens.
i'm on my own.

cant you see it.
i dun need anything more.



itz just you i want.

i only want things to be what it has always been.
that's all.
is it really that hard for you to understand?
why do u keep assuming.


damn


try to see it from my point of view will you.

sometimes you cant think about painful things
you cant make your mind focus on them
your brain just slips away


in physics, we learn that opposite attracts.
so that means two different individuals with two different thinkings and wants
should be together.
but that is not so.
life works in an odd way.
if you have too similar a character u argue.
if you have different characters, u argue too.
so what's up with this soulmate thing.
when and how do you know u found one?
soulmates should always just remain as soulmates.
dun try to go beyond that.
things wont work out.
chances of it working out is way low.
just forget it.


i hate to argue with you.

i just reached home from a long shopping spree with
sera viv and lijie.
boy oh boy was it tiring.
i seriously gotta salute sera for being able to walk around for so long in those crazy high heels of hers.
i couldnt even last 5 mins.
but it was really fun i guess.
sharing the same changing room.
trying i dunno how many skirts.
thanks dearies
had a great time.

i'm reinstated.
i get to officially sail again
yeah.

All the best to all my frens taking their A's.
good luck darlings.
study hard.
hang in there.
you guys will do just fine. *grinz*

i should be taking my A's too.
screw it.
i fucked my own life.

being at the end of the island.
surrounded only by sailboats sea and sand.
a place of peacefulness.
the stretch of long endless road to the bus stop.
i miss it.

"When I'm With You" - simple plan
I'm taking my time
I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind
I'm gonna be fine
As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I'm with you
I wanna be the only hand, you need to hold on to
But everytime I call you don't have time
I guess I'll never get to call you mine

You're nothing at all, I know theres a million reasons why I shouldn't call
With nothing to say, could easily make this conversation last all day

Another lesson I didn't get to learn
Your my obsession
I've got nowhere to turn

a sudden sense of emptiness and uncertainty just swept pass me.
hitting me real hard.
no explaination to why i'm feeling this way.

i wont let myself be crestfallen.
smile girl.

i really miss my teddy bear.

good things always have to come to an end.
itz time to wake up from my sweet dream
and leave the fairytale land.

i wanna be peter pan.
and stay in neverland.

two pple successfully ruined my sat evening.
i'm angsty.
i'm pissed.
now i'm stuck at home.
watching tv all alone
when i'm supposed to be out with my former class.
gosh.
this sucks.

i felt like a lil princess diz morning.
although you were really late..
still thanks for waking up extra early to send me to school
the car ride was great.
except when you started doing it.
when will you stop?

i still love my teddy bear.

open house was a blast.
alison rocks.
edgar's band rox.

finally putting an end to it
was harder than i thought it would be.
your reaction in fact
was the hardest to accept.
its weird the way things turn out.
this sense of numbness in me.
the failure of it all.


wheee....i got back all my results.
finally.
EEF.
sucky.
but i made it.
*phew*

thanks to those who has always been there for me..
praying hard for me.
being there for me when things were rough.
viv. sera. lijie. buddy. edgar. grace. ven. mich.
yewsong. my classmates and everybody else...love ya guys. =)

i owe cj a treat.
at marche's
oh great.

for being the special person you always are.
for going the extra mile to put a smile on my face.



i'm glad i knew you.

thanks.

love you

every minute we spent together.
i wont forget.

met viv sera and lijie today.
they were mugging.
maths econs chem..
wadeva it was
and i was just doddling as usual.
great seeing viv..
miss you darling.

i'm still waiting.

this is really taking ages.

still waiting for my results.


this is really taking quite sometime.
hurry pls.

i'm scared.

sailing was awesome.
the sun. the sea. the salty air.
sailed a really long stretch to some really distant buoy where the ships dock.
the air was still.
the sea was calm.
and i was just cruising with my boat.

the island was far behind me.
the sea looked especially clean and beautiful.
it was in a really unusual shade of blue.
there was hardly any disturbance to the surroundings.
just peace and quiet.
something i havent felt for a long time.

prob took me almost an hour to sailed back to shore.
fell asleep in my cockpit.
i could feel the heat hitting hard on my bare skin.
the warmness of my life jacket.
the coolness of the sea.
it was the most pointless training i've ever had.
but also the one of the best.
leisure sailing. literally.
i wanna sail again.

i failed my maths.
but i was smiling when i got it back.
i guess i was long beaten.
saw it coming anyway.
wasnt affected much.
i've surrendered.

but someone kept reminding me it sucks.
constantly.
den did it really hit me hard.
i'm upset.
no more smiles.

the smell of smoke was stinging
you tried hard to keep it away.
but its just too strong
i'm not pretending that i am all right with it.
i'm not accepting it cause its you.
i just dun have the right to stop you.
but i wish you would quit.

went to sera's place early in the morning.
tot i would like just chill out and talk
but i ended melting into her comfortable sofa and fall asleep
zzzz.....itz really comfortable man

met my buddy for a show.
resident evil.
wasnt too bad a show
but aint fantastic either.
we were having lunch and staring at those secondary school kids.
st nicks. cat high. pl. ri. wadeva it was..
just student-watching and bitching.
the way the dress.. the way they carry themselves in their uniform.
some really din look to pleasant.

but looking at them.....
i cant help but wonder
was i like that last time?
seems like there's a huge generation btw me and them already.
how time flies.

some pictures i took on the last day of school 

sick of life

climbing up the freaking mountain
covered with snow
beneath it
the thick rocks.
peeking out of the snow occasionally
blocking every step forward you take.
you're all alone on this
no one to guide
no one to lead
you're all by yourself.
suddenly..
everything collapse.
an avalanche.

someone told me never to give up.
to fight on.
dun let destiny overcome me.
i told him i wouldnt.
but how long can i last.
i'm tired.
i just want to lie on the white cover
and never wake up.

reality is never good.
that's why there's fairytales.
dreamland.
where everything's perfect.
i'm looking forward to my fairytale
with my teddy bear.

met my team today.
ok..maybe half my team.
miss them.
those were the days.



silly girl loves teddy bear.
teddy bear loves bolster.

Chapfallen

i finally finished the marathon.
but i had a very bad finish.
a really awful one in fact.
havent felt so demoralized and disappointed in myself for a long time

feels good to wake up this morning knowing that i've nothing on my agenda.
dun have to study for another 12 hours like what i've been doing for the last few weeks.
however, the thought of screwing up my maths really badly still lingers in my head.
it doesnt want to leave.
i dun even wanna pack my bag and see my question paper.
fuck it.
i worked hard for my paper.
i cant believe this has happened.
i hate myself so much.

woke up with a temp of 39.9 diz morning.
my whole body was aching and hot.
yet i was still cuddled up under my thick blanket.
shivering.
din wanna wake up.
or leave my bed.
i've never felt this sick for a while.
i guess my immune system finally gave in to my odd schedule
but must it break down yesterday???
the day when i had 2 papers.
the day when i needed it to be at its best condition.
thanks.

i'm now just waiting for my results.
my fate depends on it.
i'm praying.
praying real hard.

to edgar and grace.
thanks for being such great studying partners.
to my dearest sera, lijie, vivien and buddy,
thanks for being there and helping me with my work.
love ya guys

"baby cakes" *a very interesting and nice song*

I just want you to know oh oh
That I think our love will grow yeah yeah

Baby cakes
You just don't know, know
How I I
I like it down low
And I just want you to know
That I think our love will grow
Will take it step by step
Because I'm not something you own

Confused don't know what I'm feeling
Confused relationships without meaning
In the mist I can see it gleaming
Time to wake up and stop the dreaming
Coz you're my lil Baby cakes
And I know you got what it takes
The way you make me feel
The way that I am
when you talk to you friends
And you call me your man
Im gonna tell you right now
That I appreciate it
You're the one for me
Your the real Shit
You was right there from the start
When I was lost you helped me find my mark
Tell her I gotta thank you thank you
Through the bad times
I jus picture me and you
With our fun time whether funs loaded
There's just one thing I want you to know

I just want you to know oh oh
That I think our love will grow yeah yeah

Baby cakes
You just don't know, know
How I I
I like it down low
And I just want you to know
That I think our love will grow
Will take it step by step
Because I'm not something you own

Lovin every minute
Just you and me
And I'm still dreaming
You'd be my baby
Maybe there's a possibility
We grow old together live happily
And your grave
Bring out the tiger in me
He says do i never need cursing me
You're the man for me
The one who thinks what will life be like
If our eyes never met
And they say it's a song for everyone
At the first sight you know it's love
See the person and you can't be hostile
Coz you got butterflies in ya belly
That's why I like a different dimension
Coz you can't help it but feel the affections
Sexual tention physical attractions
Instant flip flirtation actions

I just want you to know oh oh
That I think our love wil grow yeah yeah

Baby cakes
You just don't know, know
How I I
I like it down low
And I just want you to know
That I think our love will grow
Will take it step by step
Because I'm not something you own

I I got to know

The way you look at me
Yeah you pull me closer
Our bodies together
Under the cover
Soft kisses
With ya hands all over
If I have to cry
Then ya cry on my shoulder
Can't get enough
When you loosen my neck
Goes down to my belly
Carress my breast
Well ship your body
Like you were a goddess
You're the man for me
Need 2 gimmie the best
Your the number one for me
And it's no contest
For Any other man
Who got no interest
Loving you
Whenever it's wrong or right
I'm thinking of you
Everyday and night
People don't get the wrong idea
It's about us so don't interfere
The way you look at me
Cakes its gotta be
When your're out
When your stood right next to me

I just want you to know oh oh
That I think I'll have a go yeah yeah

Baby cakes
You just don't know, know
How I I
I like it down low
And I just want you to know
That I think our love will grow
Will take it step by step
Because I'm not something you own

impossible is just a big word thrown around
by small men who finds it easier to live in a world
they've been given than to explore the power
they have to change it.
impossible is not a fact. it's an opinion.
impossible is not a declaration. its a dare.
impossible is potential.
impossible is temporary.
impossible is nothing.

one down.
two more to go.

1095 days ago.
i'll always remember

i hate being misunderstood.
and someone just did it again.
itz just annoying.
itz just so frustrating.
i hate it.
stop it pls.

sometimes its just amazing how much one can do.
and push herself as hard as she could
and no one who ever understand.
you do your best to please someone.
you do your best to satisfy someone
but all dat person has to do is just say a simple sentence.
to ruin ur mood.
ruin ur motivation.
i just wanna do well now.
i need to.

tomorrow's econs..
i'm scared..
really am.
3 more days to the end of promos.
dat's fast..
it's gonna end much faster than i think it would.
izzit the end of me then?
i'll be praying hard.

144 hours dear.

today marks the death of my ezlink card.
it had served its purpose well for the last 13 months.
bringing me around the island.
my poor card.
it's only 13 months old.

studied with lijie and sera today.
i'm successfully moving up the log curve.
zzzzzzz.

thanks sera dear
for helping me better understand what's in my heart.
been quite unsure and confused lately.
thanks for making things seem clearer to me.

5 more days.
to get all C grade.
AHhhhhh....
i need another week.
i do i do~!!
no..
i need a miracle.

cupid has shot his arrow at the wrong time.
at the wrong person.
he has made a mistake.
love makes the world so complicated.
or does cupid not know what he is doing.
take a break cupid.
let love search its way.

there are so many things dat just doesnt seem explainable.
to diz particular girl who's seriously just mad, insane and unreasonable.
really wish i could give her a piece of my mind.
stop making my darling cry would u?
you're such a nuthead.. dat seriously...
we all hate you.

studied with sera and yewteng today.
i tried to pick up econs and start on it
but i just couldnt.
ended up doing maths again.
maths maths maths.
gotta do really well for maths.
or else all e efforts will just go to waste...read..
the drain.
and dat's gonna be so depressing.

judgement day is approaching.
my days are numbered.
carpe diem.
like today.

168 hours
*smiles*

still running on the track.
the marathon of studying.
the finishing line is still quite a distant away.
i wanna finish first.
finish this race with e best result i can ever have.
i need to
i'll just keep running.
its still a long race to go.
losing the stamina.
losing the faith.
losing the confidence
losing the strength to carry on.
i've to keep on running.
running.

i dun understand u and You.
i just dun.
guys.

"What I Like About You"

Hey..uh uh huh
Hey..uh uh huh
Hey..uh uh huh

What I like about you
Is that you hold me tight
Tell me I'm the only one wanna come over tonight
Keep on whispering in my ear tell me all the things that I wanna hear
'Cause its true that's what I like about you

What I like about you
You really know how to dance
When you go
Up
Down jump around
Talk about true romance
Keep on whispering in my ear tell me the things I wanna hear
'Cause its true that's what I like about you
That's what I like about you
That's what I like about you

Uh uh huh

What I like about you
You keep me warm at night
Never wanna let you go
You know you make me feel alright
Keep on whispering in my ear tell me the things I wanna hear
'Cause its true that's what I like about you
That's what I like about you
That's what I like about you you you
That's what I like about you

back to school

start of term 4
2 more weeks to promos.
1st day of school.
sucks.

*wheeeeeeee*

i love saturdays.
for now.
*grinz*

i passed my basic theory.
yeah~!

time is tickling..
2 more weeks to promos.
been studying quite abit
felt dat its enough.
but at the same time....it still doesnt seem enough.
is it?
study study....
mug mug...
mugger toad in action.
yawnz

1 month.
31 days.
744 hours.
love u.

kinda like diz pix. nice 

been studying quite alot lately.
drained.
just forcing myself to make sure i can do well
beginning to doubt myself.
doubt if i can make it diz time round.

ha...this song's been in my mind for e whole day.
thanks to mini grace and her wonderful singing thruout our study session.

"Penny & Me"
Cigars in the summertime under the sky by the light
I can feel you read my mind
I can see it in your eyes under the moon as it plays like music every line
There's a rug with bleeding dye under the fan in the room
Where the passions burning high by the chair with the leopard skin under the light
It's always Penny and me tonight

On the plane step up with both my feet
Riding in seat number 3 on a flight to NYC
Got my bean in a coffee cup next to my seat
Catch the view and another good book to read
Sending me home on the friendly skies Missing her eyes I
t's always Penny and me tonight

Cause Penny and me like to roll the windows down
Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground
And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies
Close our eyes, pretend to fly
It's always Penny and me tonight

Staring at a million city lights
But it's still Penny and I all alone beneath the sky
Feel the wind brushing slowly by If I could soar I'd try to take these wings and fly
Away to where the leaves turn red
But no matter where I am instead
Singing along to feeling alright
We'll make it by in the pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight

Cause Penny and me like to roll the windows down
Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground
And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies
Close our eyes, pretend to fly close our eyes pretend to fly
It's always Penny and me tonight

Penny likes to get away and drown her pain in lemonade
Penny dreams of rainy days and nights up late by the fireplace
And aimless conversations about the better days
Singing along to feeling alright, yeah
We'll make it by in the pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight

Cause Penny and me like to roll the windows down
Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground
And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies
Close our eyes pretend to fly close our eyes pretend to fly
It's always Penny and me tonight

Penny and me tonight
Penny and me tonight
Penny and me tonight

i've got a headache.
a really bad headache.
and it sucks.

tmr will be a good day.
i know it will

went out with sera lijie and vivi.
watched bourne supremacy.
wasnt too bad a show.

was supposed to head back to st nicks.
but nope. vivi was kinda late..
so we decided not to go back.
Miss the school
Miss the life
the comfort of entering those doors in the morning.
the ease of walking along the corridors.
the joy of catching up with your classmates. your friends.
the breathtaking view from the spectators stand.
even during the exams..u never really feel the pressure..
of doing well. of not doing well.
laughter fills the air..constantly.
from the little giggles of the primary kids
to the conversations of the secondary school girls.
life has never felt better.
the innocence of adolescence.
a place that never really felt like a school.
it felt more like a home.
somewhere like heaven.
sweet and unforgettable.
Miss the teachers.
no screwed up teachers or principal.
no male species.
just kinda leading the carefree life in some sense.
never really having to worry about living up to the expectations
the high expectations pple set for u.
teachers understand dat...sometimes...
u just might fall...
and they are always there to pick u up
to support u thruout.
they understood dat u've done ur best
and that u just havent release ur full potential.
they would always be there to guide u
to offer a helping hand.
results is important. but dat wasnt all that matters
unlike now.
i miss st nicks.
gotta go back someday.
soon.

taking my basic theory later..
hope i can pass.
ha...otherwise...

"Love Is Only A Feeling"

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand
'Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all

Love is only a feeling (Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing( It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway

The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I

Love is only a feeling (Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing (It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway

Love is only a feeling (Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing(It's here to stay)
'Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway.

it feels good to have someone to drive u around
really good.
u feel so pampered.
*grinz*
thanks for the ride.

anyway....had a great time at the airport yesterday..
meeting my whole clique again was great.
the joy of enjoying each other's company
the joy of catching up on each other's life.
i had fun.
lotsa fun.
just taking pictures like crazy.
doing silly poses and silly stuffs
things u shouldnt be doing when u're eighteen
we were acting like little kids.
but who cares....
itz not everyday u get to be childish

miss tan left for new york.
to study some international education or something along dat line.
she would then work to improve e educational systems and policies.
that's really cool.
cause the present one sucks.
at least wad happened to the bball team did.
and not like school is perfect now.
changing the policies...
interesting.

miss justina tan.
the most bimbotic teacher i've known.
but she's cool.
really nice and funky.
a wonderful teacher.
one who get to really know her students
understand them and guide them.
she's great
and hot. HA
study hard..
we'll work hard together
thanks for the advice.
thanks for understanding.
see ya in may.

i still hate school

itz been pretty quiet around the table lately.
the crazy laughters
the outrageous conversations.
the chilling out.
the mugging together.
the table is so silent now.
miss u guys.
the team. my team
will this kind of scene be back again?
i find it hard so.
the new team isn't dat bad though.
but its a brand new team.
a whole new different breed in some sense.
i've gotta adapt again.
slowly.

met the b**** two days ago.
i'm sorry but she really is one.
she seriously proved my point about hating school.
hey b****. have anyone told u..
u really suck.
seriously...u're one of the worst person i've ever met.
u never really spared a thought for others.
u never tried understanding your students
results.
is dat all dat really matters.
wad u said really hurt dat day.
were u waiting for me to rebuke?
were u waiting for me to give an answer?
sorry to disappointing u
but i find it really pointless to answer ur accusations.
ur piercing words.
the kind of words dat a student least wanna hear.
ur sarcasm backfired.
it made me detest u even more.
i dunno how u got to where u are today.
u're not playing ur role as a motivator.
education was never supposed to be the way you potray it.
but wadeva it is...
i regretted choosing diz school
and being under you.
wish i could just stayed in st nicks.
the school i felt home at.
the school u claimed taught me to be quiet.
so i supposed the school u're in is the best.
let me tell u... u're not wad make diz school fun and nice.
its the students.
-once a saint always a saint-

i still dun like school.
in fact more and more.
albeit the nice stuffs like frens dat comes with it.
school really aint dat great.
studying isnt dat bad.
it's just e school.
bad points surpasses good points by alot.
i detest my school.
or maybe its just e system...
the way this school's system works is just really wrong.
i cant understand the teachers..the system
just as much as they dun understand me.

burnt

ooo...today's sun was blasting. hot~!
din sail much.
but coaching wasnt dat bad.
flushed and tired.
the sun was a killer.
but sailing rox.
love it.

to all my pals mugging hard.
all e best with ya prelims.
dun so stress so ok?
study hard
*smiles*

hoo hah?!

met yewsong today.
and things were great.
it was nice talking to u again.
it was nice hanging out with u again.
u have this thing for making me feel really.....small...
like a little girl..
the little sister u always treat me as.
"hoo hah"
dat's really funny.
cant believe u guys do dat.
thanks for spending ur precious time with me.
hope to see u soon.

damn

my ct sms me during dinner.
meet the principal thingy.
man.
it totally ruined dinner for me.
25 aug.
my death sentence.
i can just picture myself in the room.
looking at the bitch.
hearing her throwing wadeva shit she wants to say.
be like renfred.
u're not studying.
u sure u studied hard enough.
argh.
wadeva.
dun like pple judging me when they dunno me.
wonder wad comments my tutors gave me.
i wonder..
i hate school.
literally. school.

thanks for today dear.
glad to see u.
prob not gonna meet u anytime soon.
study hard.
stop procrastinating ok.
gonna miss u....
loads.

*smilez* i really enjoy spending time with the both of u.
my buddy and my dear...
wheeee......
thanks~!

to her

stop screaming.
stop giving me the cold shoulder.
stop doing wad u're doing.
u're not proving your point
u're not getting the attention u want.
u're just making me really irritated.
making me pissed with you.
you.
the person i never want to hurt.
the person i never want to get angry with.

friday the 13th

"never love a love that hurts, never hurt a love that loves"

sitting by the shore with my buddy.
made me thought things thru
rather throughly.
just staring at skyline of shenton way was beautiful.
everything fell in place.
the agony in my mind was surpressed
for dat moment
got things sorted out a little.
the mess in my head
got a little packed.

i hate u noobshat
hate is a strong word
but seriously.
dat's kinda how i feel towards u now.
felt like all those times were just lies.
just a facade u've been creating for me.
have i even really know wad u've been thinking.
or had i just lived in the world of my own.
i hate seeing u.
i hate it.

the pain in my head is killing.
feels as though someone is constantly compressing it.
the capacity in my mind has reached its limit.
the pressure is excruciating.

stress...
how do one overcome it.
pressure...
how do one fight it?
understanding...
how do one gain it?
lost...
how do one find her way out it?
darkness...
how do one find the light?

the pain of studying.
the pain of performing well.
the pain of being misunderstood.
the pain of living up to expectations.
the pain of being a student.
a student i wish i never was.

to my dearest.. i miss u

lijie. sera. abby. viv... my darlings

met my darlings again today.
wheeeee.....love them loads.
we had lotsa fun...
wish time would just stop there and then.
just being with the ones i love.
thanks sweeties....
life is great with u guys around.

get out of my mind

i felt weird when i saw ur photo
i felt wrong when i noe about u.
my stomach's turning..
i feel really wrong.
am i supposed to feel diz way?
am i?
i dunno.
i'm having mixed feelings
diz weird sickening mixtures of feelings
running thru my mind right down to my stomach.
turling like a rollar coaster ride.
wad's wrong baby....wad's wrong...
i'm not supposed to feel diz way.
i'm not supposed to care.
i'm not supposed to.
but i still do. i still do... unconsciously.
diz is wrong. it's just NOT right.
get out of my mind.~!!

been sailing for e whole weekend.
pesta sukan.
i've got 8th individual...and 3rd in laser radial sch team.
my first medal since i started sailing.
finally...
i'm happy... was actally quite surprised with my performance.
Top 6 sailors were national sailors..
and i tied with 7th. but she got e 7th cause she beat me for e first race...
argh...i beat her like in almost every other race.
AHhhhh.....
and because of dat...we tied with rjc with 31 points...
and rj got 2nd and sa 3rd...cause their first sailor, charmaine is 4th and i'm 8th
wind wasnt too bad. had a few races with moderate to strong wind.
but wind was kinda shifty. killed me a few times....
din see it coming.....and banged e wrong side of e course...
oh well....pesta was a good regatta for me diz time round. i'm satisfied...
mini grace sailed really well too...for a first timer she was pretty good.
she will make a good sailor. she has great potential...
dat girl is really funny.... she's so diff from my first impression of her.
she's so whiny...ahhahahah..and lame too.
oh wellz...keep up the good work grace.. haha
my buddy sailed pretty well too... great job~!
boy....so gonna miss u dear...
wont be having ya sail with me anymore.
kbing me out at sea....playing pirates... suaning me....everything.
itz just fun having u around.
haha.....and i KINDA need someone to pull my boat and help me with stuffs...
heh....my poor buddy....over utilised by me... hahaha..
feel so bad at times...
he's like my maid..
oh noz...
i'm gonna miss my team. miss my buddy. miss the fun with have.
miss the trainings together. miss the dinners. miss the crapping. miss everything.
things dat i noe i might not get to do with the incoming team.

AHhhhhhhh

haha...my darling sister just destroyed my hand..~!!!
she kinda designed my hand with henna...
and seri0usly it loos like crap...
hahahah.....i've no idea how i'm gonna go out tmr..
and dat silly girl happily threw a book on it when i was waiting for it to dry.
so she kinda smashed and smudged it...
so i have so no idea how i'm gonna go to school tmr... or even out..
my hand's screwed.
itz ugly...
hahahah i'm mean... my sister did quite a good job for someone who hasnt done it before
but....
itz still ugly

my bro met him...
and thinks he's handsome..
hahah...my bro actually praised somebody..
itz kinda surprising..
ahahahah lucky u dear....
now my sister wanna see how he looks like too
ok...diz is weird....
something is WRONG with the two siblings of mine
ahahhahahahh

angst.

cant stop thinking of you.

and i miss my whole lot of darlings.
but it seems like i dun really have time for them..
itz so hard to get everybody to together..
and when they're finally all free...
i'm not....
talk about the right time.

my former civics tutor gave my class a huge thrashing today..
about attitude towards things...being disrespectful...
being irresponsible to ourself...trying to take things into our own hands.
he kinda made sense...
budden again....it really was a little too harsh.
you dun just go scolding somebody outright in front of the whole class..
itz just...not nice..
but well....guess my class deserved a wake up call...
prob not everybody....but just a couple of blacksheeps
just a couple.

"Sometimes, from beyond this skyscrapers, the cry of a boat finds you in your insomia and you remember that this desert of iron and cement is an island."

went sailing today......woohoo....
it was fun fun fun...
wind was good...a little too overpowering for the little ones...yeah...
brought the juniors out.....
funny things happened...from sliding of the boat to having the seniors screaming "starboard and windward" at each other...only to realize we werent the ones sailing....
basically...our lives were left in the hands of our juniors.
if we actually clashed...we sitting in the front would die first.
ahahah....the scene of all capsized boats was a scene i really miss..
wind was a little too strong i guess.....boats went out of control and the seniors just went along into the water...with the juniors....cap together.
wasnt too nice falling into the water when it was raining... and the wind was blowing.
freezing man......
oh wellz...it was just a day of fun... everyone enjoyed...so who cares?

choices

Why do we have to make choices?
In school? in relationships? in everything u do.....
You never do really make the right choice
You never really know what is THE right choice
Unless something goes wrong.
Then would it dawn on you that the other option was the right choice
Then you would wish that you could turn back time and choose again
Or even given a second change to start anew.
But how often again are u given that chance to choose again?

Standing at the crossroads.
Looking at the paths and options in front of you
Which path should i put my first step on.
How long would i have to walk till i would realize that it's the wrong road.
How would i know that the after the obstacles i cross, i would reach my destination?
You never noe till you try, pple always say.
But...do they realize that sometimes....
Falling too many times along the way do hurt.
Picking myself up from the fall aint easy.
Determination and perseverance.
I need alot to complete this walk along the path.
The path i dunno if is right.

As friends cross your path,
They turn your gloom into smiles.
The sun changes darkness into light.
Friends lighten your darkest way.

You get the feeling of nature's renewing cycle.
Friends renew your hope for everlasting love.
Friends that stand behind you,
Assure you that it's impossible to be alone

As with nature and all it has to offer,
You will always have something to hold close.
The friendships you build and let grow,
Give you everlasting hope for the future.

Nature's wondrous way of entertainment,
Gives you insight into nature's excitement.
Friends entertain you with their caring,
They allow you the insight for love.

Thank you for being my guiding light,
my comfort, my friend.

sigh.

had service learning today.
boy...it sucks... cleaning up beaches?
itz like...wadeva....
seriously how meaningful can dat be
and someone is like really getting on my nerves...
kept calling me at e weirdest time it can be
and asking me silly questions
i'm not e class rep. i'm e assistant...check the dictionary.
give my a break pls.
like just stop asking me questions dat seriously have nothing to do with me
like stop calling in e early morning to contact who and who..
wad's joscelin for? she's e freaking class rep.. 
not me..
sometimes... i think i'm doing so much more den her
i dun carry the freaking class list with me 24/7
u're in school. in e office... check it urself..
couldnt u?? 
stop nagging and asking...
itz really getting into me..
argh...

later part of the day was fine.
spending it with him wasnt too bad afterall.
thanks for being so special dear.

 

wad's going on

i had lotsa break again today. tuesday...my dunno-wad- i-am- doing in school day
oh well....i spent like all my breaks talking to jos...
well....it kinda got me thinking how i really feel about things
about pple.
feeling quite lost now.
am i truly happy with everything?
or am i just trying to be happy with everything.
i'm confused.
i'm starting to lose myself.
not abling to fully understand myself.
but have i ever really understood myself...
have i? 

 
"My Happy Ending"- avril lavigne
 
So much for my happy ending
 
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hangingIn a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
 
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
 
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
 
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
 
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
 
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
 
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...So much for my happy ending...

i'm tired...just really tired.
itz only monday. first day of the week.
school sucks...
tired of it...sick of it
irritated with it...
frustrated with it.
argh.....zzzz.... 

i feel like killing andy...
he noes too much...
argh.... anybody interested pls let me noe~!

at e crossroads

i finally got back all my results today.
i got straight Os... itz beats last year definately but i really dunno if its ok
on one hand...i'm satisfied..on the other i'm not.
i dunno...it kinda sucks...esp when i'm so close to making the passing grade.
i'm just tired. tired of trying.
everybody's expecting better results from me.
and i'm just not living up to their expectations.
Os aint exactly the best results... but seriously...it managed to put me top 10 of my class for almost all my subjects...its kinda surprising...
i only had to make e grade...
i was so close....i just wanna scrap thru it
i dun wanna go thru e same shit again
the whole crap of u din study izzit... the whole crap of...u sure u did ur best?
are u like spending too much time on cca?
CUT E CRAP.....cause i did study...
given e amt of time i had....i did do fairly all right..
itz just about me and my carelessness...
reading question wrongly....misinterpreting stuffs...
answering out of point...
i feel stupid....why am i always so....blur?
i'm so sick of school...so so sick...
i wanna quit school....

smilez

i love e way you looks at me with those eyes of yours
the eyes dat speaks..
the kinda eyes dat really sparkle..
and dat smile of urs too...its really addictive..
thanks for the smile.
thanks for being such a gentleman.
thanks for today.
 
went to watch mean girls today..
aint a very great show...but it wasnt too bad either
it actually does set me thinking...
how much can u actually trust someone...
even someone who u think is ur bestest fren might actually be the one betraying u
same goes for relationships...
the person u love e most would always end up being the one hurting u e most.
so den again....why love?
 
i finally got myself to go sign up for my btt with sera...like FINALLY.... 


   
   
 

i need to get my hair cut~!

was supposed to get my hair cut today....
but by e time i came home....e saloon was close..
dun think i'll ever get it done..
everytime i finally convince myself to snip it.. i cant get it done.
argh...i'm just gonna procrastinate again
well...i had a pretty good day in school.
maybe cause it started with my buddy running away from me for SOME reasons.
budden again..i din understand why he did dat... but it was really hilarious.
just picture diz....while u're walking down e stairs to e cafe...someone spots u..stands up immediately and start walking away real fast.
buddy...u're a clown
hmm....and my whole day followed by talking to him..
my bill's just gonna like shoot up again...
but who cares....i got to talk to him. 
*smilez*  
 

someone

itz simply amazing how someone can actually brighten up ur day even without trying.
itz amazing how just being with someone makes ur day.
he's right.
i'm moving out of my own dark shadow.
learning to accept others.
the big step i have finally taken.
he's happy for me.
thanks bud. you're right.
i'm actually  starting to really smile again.
thanks for being there for me.
 
 
 

sailing

boredom is killing me. two weeks break from sailing.
but i'm already missing it.
the wind against my face. the water splashing.
the way the boat weave through the waves.
everything. even the sickening smell of the salty air..
the horizon far beyond. the sun's ray peeking out of the thick fluffy clouds.
things dat i dun get to see once i'm back on the island.
the skyline of shenton way to bedok never looked as great..
the view on the little laser of mine is captivating..
u never really have to think when u're sailing.
the feeling of carefree and no worries is great.
ur mind is only filled with sailing and enjoying the landscape.
itz like u're in another world.
dream world.
reality doesnt really strike u.
not until u head back to shore....and leave the centre.
i miss sailing.
i miss my boat
 
 
Vindicated
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing I am captivated
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
 
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
 
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
 
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
 
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
 
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

me buddy.bingz 

i enjoyed myself today.. i actually did. thanks buddy..thanks bingz...thanks ven
cant believe i actually got myself to be as silly as the both of them. but hey...we had lotsa fun. bowling..taking photos.. crapping.. just pure silliness but FUN.
 
i think i kinda got things in my head sorted out a little more today. i'm starting to get over u.  in fact..i'm starting to feel dat maybe u aint dat great afterall.  starting to feel dat maybe u're just like wad others say u're...i'm starting to feel the way everybody wants me to. Probably the way u want me too....
 
Cj and i made a deal today... we decided to fight it out for promos. the one with e lousier results will have to treat the other to marche...20 bucks budget. We both are stuck with oooo for our common test....like wth...but well...marche sounds good. Time to study.....ha.
 

wad the hell

the feeling of falling flat on the ground just hit me again today. not until today had i always tot dat i passed maths. but no.. i finally got back my paper today. failed by 2.5 marks. my fren told me e wrong thing. like thanks...she's not at fault. i'm not blaming her. it's ok dear. yupz. but great..now i'm freaking stuck with like 2 AO pass....i actually got wad i wanted for econs. Now..gotta sit and wait for my geog. Pray dat miracles still do happen.
i need an A pass...and i almost got it.
Should i try asking mrs ng to vet thru my paper and see if there's any salvation? failing by diz small margin sucks...esp when i lost a huge margin of 10 to careless mistakes.
Wads wrong with me. i really need to open my eyes bigger at times.
let's hope she'll be nice and award me just 3 more marks.dat's all i need. so i wouldnt have to face e shit again.
 
anyway...hope dat bored one who just had his knee op would get well soon.....take care dearest.

=(

hasnt been too wonderful a day to talk about
buddy was upset. damn upset.
studied hard and din do well.
now..where have i heard diz before..
hey buddy..u tried ur best. i noe no one will really truly understand except urself
but...dat's life.. it's gonna be a little harsh but dun let it put ya down.
mug hard dearest. there's prelims. dat's e one u have to do really well for.
study hard my dear.

he looked good as usual..smelt good as usual.
still as noisy as ever.. and i miss u. so much dat i doubt u'll ever know
u never tot about how i really feel. u never really cared...do u?
i'm sorry i ignored u. but i really dunno wad else to do.

"Addicted"

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm addict
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still addict
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you

the guys..the always wonderful and crazy bunch 

[sa]ilors girls..my team 

first day of school??

yawnz...i finally offically started school again today.
mixed feelings about it. i hate it. at e same time i was glad i could see my frens. but there's still pple i dun wanna see..or do i?
the work was starting to pile. got quite a lot to catch up. tutorials lectures. the days where there's only sun sea and sand is over. the fun and slacky days are gone. it's time to face the books again. seriously...diz sucks.
hey peepz...i wished u guys would not ask me how was my race..
i wished i could tell u more. but i really rather not talk about it.
i'm trying to be all right. The whole weight of losing is still on me. i'm trying to push it away. trying to lift it off me. so pls..stop sitting on top on me and adding it on.
i passed my maths. at least dat's wad yeanling told me.
i hope i did. cause i really need to.

cj...dun be upset. i noe u tried ur best. there's still promos...*smilez*

bing yao and me...getting bored in the car. traffic jams sucks

disappointment

Interschool finally ended on friday. We din do well. At all.
Sorry mr ng. sorry team. Seems to me that everything that can go wrong went wrong. We were never expected to do so badly. Were we?
The pain of losing. The whack across the face really hurts. Esp the girls. We wanted 3rd. Mj took it. wanted to settle for 4th. Ac took it. we arent even 5th. Bloody Tj took it. where do we even stand. We disappointed lots. i'm sorry. i should have fought harder.